


The Man I love

by Allenaki



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-03
Updated: 2017-12-03
Packaged: 2019-02-09 23:40:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12899361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Allenaki/pseuds/Allenaki
Summary: The man I love is weak, very much so.Everytime he says something harsh to his brother, it will take him less than 5 seconds to regret it. Because of that, he will try to mutter an apology, but the words will stay stuck in his throat for a few more days, filling his heart with remorse. When he finally manages to apologize, his expression will soften with relief after seeing his precious one smile again.





	The Man I love

The man I love is weak, very much so.

Everytime he says something harsh to his brother, it will take him less than 5 seconds to regret it. Because of that, he will try to mutter an apology, but the words will stay stuck in his throat for a few more days, filling his heart with remorse. When he finally manages to apologize, his expression will soften with relief after seeing his precious one smile again.

Sometimes, he tries to talk to his brother’s friends, but he hasn’t been very successful until now. He thinks there is no way anyone but his brother would want to ever say a word to him, but he is wrong. If he could look properly at them for a few minutes, he would realize there isn’t an ounce of resentment in their eyes, only concern.

He often has nightmares, frightening ones which leave him panting, sweating, and sometimes even crying. When he wakes up, he’ll always caress my hand or cheek, like to ensure I am still next to him. If I open my eyes, he will close his and pretend nothing happened, but I’ll feel him tense up when I kiss his forehead.

Sometimes, when something good happen, when he can eat his favorite ice cream, or when he receives a gift, I can see him display a pained expression. He always wonders whether it is alright for him to receive such happiness. I dearly hope that one day, he realizes he deserves every single bit of joy he can receive. No, to tell the truth, I reckon he deserves even more than this. I would I could give him enough delight to make up for all those years he lost since his childhood, for all the abuse he suffered and all the pain he had to withstand.

Although he doesn’t usually publicly display his affection, when someone gets too close to me in his opinion, he’ll hold my wrist and pull me away. He never lets me peek at his expression when he does that. He assumes his jealousy is unsightly and obnoxious. He believes that he has no right to act this way, because there is no way someone as vile as him deserves me, because there is no way he’ll ever be able to make me happy like another person could. He should let me go, he thinks, he should definitely let someone else, anyone but him, make me happy. All those bad thoughts make him ashamed of himself, so he’ll keep his head low for a while. That is truly unfortunate, because if he had ever got the courage to meet my eyes, he surely would have seen the smile on my face.

The person I love hardly ever touches me. Although he is far from being heavily built, he always seems scared he might accidentally break me, scared that a tiny physical contact would be enough to shatter the delicate glass. Surprisingly, he doesn’t mind pushing his brother away when the latter gets too clingy, relentlessly trying to hug his twin. I wonder if I look as weak to him as he seems weak to me.

Even though they have slowly but steadily become less frequent, the person I love still occasionally suffer from panic attacks. Dreadful thoughts that have been repressed until now surfaces again, making the soft-hearted man a concentration of distress. Those moments are the only ones during which he’ll barely display his emotions, the rage and anguish he has desperately tried to bury inside of him all this time. Furniture will break, screams will be heard, but after hours, he will finally be convinced that he is worthy of our presence, that he deserves to be happy and that one day, he will definitely reach what he has been searching for all his life. “Everything will be alright”, I tell him. “I’ll help you. Forever if I need to. I promise.” If it could help fixing his shattered heart, I would say it thousands of times, I really would. After a while, he’ll whisper a feeble, hesitant “thank you” that would make everything worthwhile.

The person I like has a weak constitution. Because of that, he often gets sick. He pretends it’s not a big deal, he says that his brother and I are exaggerating, but deep down, he thinks he might seriously be dying. His fever sometimes reaches 39°, making him stay in bed for stays. He hates having a fever: not because it makes him feel awful, but because it will make his brother utter that it was his fault without fail, make him say that he shouldn’t only have fed him Honey Buddha Chips and PhD. Pepper, that he should have been more careful, and so on. “Shut up”, he will blurt. “That’s not your fault”. Because he’ll get embarrassed, he’ll eventually add “Now get out, I want to sleep”. 

The man I love is weak, very much so. Nevertheless, I love all of him, including his flaws.


End file.
